Monday, April 21, 2008

Sometimes I wish…

I have been thinking a lot, reading a lot lately, having a small pity party for myself (we have been sick, feeling overwhelmed with school etc), all of these things are contributing to this unexplainable urge to profess my feelings and love about life so here goes…

Sometimes I wish I could freeze time. I get SO emotional over my kids growing up. It makes me sad. Everyday I wish I could whisk them to Disneyland in the morning, eat their favorite foods all day, play every game they ever wanted to, read thousands of stories at night, teach them everything they will ever need to know, spend every moment with them, and snuggle, kiss, and hug them until the end of time! I dread the day when they won’t want to do these things with me!

Having Hannah, has made time slip by faster for me. Carson seems to be growing up more and more. I feel like if I blink when I open my eyes I will be attending his wedding. When they are adults will they know how much I loved them and love them still? Will they be happy, kind people? I hope and pray that they will.

Sometimes I wish I hadn’t start school again. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for this opportunity and know that it is something that I have wanted to do and will be glad that I did…but oh! The stress, the time, and the enhancing of the first problem discussed! I really do like school but I have my moments and this is one of them.

I wish I spent more time studying the gospel and teaching my kids the gospel. I really do think I fulfill my callings to the best of my ability, but wish that I fulfilled my own spirituality to the best of my ability!

So there it is…my soapbox for the day and I can’t whine without giving a solution so here it is…There is a quote that I can’t reference, but it states something like “wishing away today, just leaves a lot of empty yesterdays” Well instead of wishing I need to start doing!! So here’s to doing!!

2 comments:

Heart on my sleeve said...

When they are adults will they know how much I loved them and love them still...
I still wonder that about my grown kids. I know Austin & Shane know I love them and I know they love me. My kids really don't know me or about my life, especially when I was younger. I think they make judgements about things they really know nothing about. I wish I had more time to spend with my family. I'm not that far away, but I feel like I might as well be 2100 miles away like my parents. I have two grand daughters that cry when I hold them. I've always felt I'm on the outside looking in, because the Greener's and the Newman's are always there and always in abundance. I'm always alone at the family gatherings. I've never had the 'back up' everyone else has. Now I find out that Sheldon (and who knows who else) hangs out at Rex's on a weekly basis, if not more. Because, 'he may be your ex-husband, but he's not our ex-step dad..." I guess kids learn the love of a parent in different ways. In some ways by having your own, with age comes wisdom so to speak and maturity. I think some people never get it. So, in my case, I think the answer is no.

Crystal said...

I am with you my friend. Kids do grow up so fast. You are a good mom... balance is hard... but keep your head up you are wonderful!
Take care
Crystal