Monday, July 14, 2008

My little Hannah.

Tomorrow is my beautiful daughters first birthday.

I can't believe it. It seems like yesterday.

A year ago tomorrow, I was so scared that she was coming so early. I hoped and prayed all day that she would stay inside of me a little longer. I wanted to go home. I wanted to feel her inside at least a few more weeks. I wanted to pack my hospital bag, and pack her diaper bag. I wanted her to be born and not fight to breath, or work hard to eat.

Hannah was born at 5:46 pm that day. I saw my little baby for a few seconds and I was filled with happiness and love. She was delicate, feminine, and beautiful.

I wanted so badly to do the things that most other Mom's were able to do with their babies-and what I was able to do with Carson. I wanted to hold Hannah. I wanted to see her bassinet next to my hospital bed. I wanted to stare at her-to see the rise and fall of her tiny chest. I wanted to hear her cry and comfort her when she needed me. I wanted her big brother to hold her. I wanted my family to hold her. I wanted the nurse to check my hospital band. I wanted to nurse my baby and not pump. I felt so very far away from her.

Although, Hannah did very well and honestly had a minimal hospital stay. I can not tell you how bad it was for me to be discharged from the hospital and leave my baby there. It was not what I was expecting, it was not how I imagined. I felt like I had abandoned her. What if the nurses were busy and she was crying? Would she have to wait? I cried a lot.

As I look at my roley poley, chubby cheeked, happy baby now, I am so thankful for her. I had forgotten how much fun it was to have a baby around. I am glad that Hannah came and reminded me of that. Happy Birthday Hannah-Mommy loves you!


Brittany said...

Hey April...I don't know if you remember me, but I was Brittany Brower, before coming a Bennett. I was a year older than you, but we had at least one seminary class together...anyway..I found your blog through Crystals, and I noticed your little girls birthday is July 15, and my little boys BDay is also the 15th, and his name is CARSON...I just found that so interesting!! He is turning three! If you want to take a look at my blog it is
Anyway, your family is cute and your pool looks like it is a blast!! Have a fun birthday day tomorrow!

Heart on my sleeve said...

Happy First Birthday Hannah.
You have been such a joy to have around.
We all love you very much!

kate said...

Happy Birthday Hannah!!! She is adorable April! {and her name is so cute too!) Thanks so much for your comments on my blog, I love em! In ansswer to your question.. I play with the pics and add text in fun fonts in Photoshop then upload the entire image as a jpeg. :)